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Parents often wonder how their parenting impacts the emotional growth and development of their children. Developmental psychologists have studied this for years. One area of particular interest is how parenting styles influence the development of eating disorders. It is essential to remember that parenting style alone is not a single cause for the development of an eating disorder and that numerous factors contribute to eating disorders including genetics, personality traits, societal standards, the child’s environment, etc. It is also useful to remember that most parents use more than one type of parenting style while interacting with their children. PARENTING STYLES
The Indulgent Parent This type of parent is often permissive and nondirective. The tendency is to allow immature, demanding behavior from the child and do whatever it takes to avoid conflict or confrontation with the child. The indulgent parent tends to set few demands and has unclear expectations of the child. In today’s society, the indulged child has become a topic of great controversy since families with two working parents more often have the financial means to provide excess material things to the child. Keep in mind this type of parenting refers to both material and emotional indulging. Many parents struggle with needless guilt and respond by indulging their child’s demands. Unfortunately, children raised with this style of parent can develop behavior problems and are often intolerant of uncomfortable feelings or expectations because they are used to their parents providing the quick fix. Unless the child develops healthy coping skills to deal with the stress and discomfort life will present, the risk for development of an eating disorder increases substantially. The Authoritarian Parent
This parenting style is rule and obedience focused. These parents expect the child to obey and comply at all times without explanation. The authoritarian parent is often lacking in emotional warmth and supportiveness and tends to dismiss or minimize the child’s emotions. These parents can be quite controlling, judgmental and perfectionistic, all of which are traits often associated with eating disorders. The parent’s need for control often leads to the child feeling powerless and out of control. Research indicates that children raised with this parenting style tend to be at risk for depression, eating disorders, low self-esteem and poor social skills. The Authoritative Parent
The authoritative parent balances expectations for the child with responsiveness to the child’s needs. They are clear with what they expect and set appropriate consequences, but are not intrusive or restrictive. They tend to view their role as a parent as more collaborative and guiding than the authoritarian parent does, but still remain in the authority position and do not try to be the child’s best friend. This type of parent promotes the child’s ability to self-regulate emotions, the individuality of the child, accountability and tolerance. Interestingly, these traits are highly associated with high self-esteem in children and therefore are unlikely to result in a child developing an eating disorder. Children from these homes are more likely to have better skills at balancing societal demands (e.g., thinness, perfectionism, peer pressure) with their need for independence. It appears that one key component to the success of this parenting style is the balance of clear expectations and emotional responsiveness to the child. WHAT IS A PARENT TO DO?
Given that parenting is, at times, an overwhelming responsibility, here are some recommendations to help prevent the development of an eating disorder in your child: 1. Avoid guilting or shaming your child, especially regarding body shape and size. A child who experiences parental disapproval of his/her body is at higher risk for developing a distorted body image and low self-esteem, both of which are associated with eating disorders. Shaming parents unknowingly teach the child to become an excessive pleaser in order to avoid disappointing the parents or others in their life. 2. Allow your child to tolerate feeling inadequate or uncomfortable. Throughout childhood it is normal for parents to want to ‘fix’ anything that seems uncomfortable to our children. It is difficult to watch your child struggle, but it is through struggling that children learn to cope. When the child displays vulnerability or frustration, it is an opportunity for parents to teach acceptance of uncomfortable feelings as well as what to do to cope with them. It is the time to show the child how to tolerate the discomfort and self-soothe via talking, journaling, drawing, reading, relaxing, etc. 3. Be a good role model of healthy eating and acceptance of different body sizes and shapes. Be aware of your own biases about weight and how you talk about them. Mothers, especially, underestimate how often they complain about ‘feeling fat’ or needing to go on the latest diet. This puts their children at higher risk for body image dissatisfaction, low self-esteem and the development of eating disorders. 4. Help the child develop healthy coping skills for dealing with emotional stress and distress. Put the focus on how they feel and what their choices are instead of ignoring feelings and emphasizing compliance. 5. Accept that as a parent you will make mistakes. Try not to feel guilty about mistakes and apologize to the child when it’s appropriate. Allow yourself to experience a range of feelings, even those that are uncomfortable for you. As you model tolerance of feelings and healthy coping you will show the child that emotional discomfort can be dealt with and will pass. In summary, there are numerous factors that contribute to the development of an eating disorder in a child or adolescent. Certain parenting styles contribute to healthy self-esteem and the prevention of eating disorders while other styles seem to support them. It is essential for parents to be aware of their influence on the child’s self-esteem and emotional growth throughout the developmental process.
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