Written by:
Laura E. Gray
Article Posted:
Saturday, 23 September 2006
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Our children are bombarded daily by pictures of thin, computer-enhanced, air-brushed images, leaving many of them with a strong sense of body insecurity. Body image concerns used to begin in middle and high school. Now, it is not unusual for kids to start asking “Am I too fat?” as early as five or six years old. As a parent, there are several things you can do to help your children feel better about their body shape and size. It is key to know that it’s never too early to start influencing their body image and self-esteem and YOU are the most important role model they have, regardless of their age. If you talk about feeling fat and dieting, so will they, so be very aware of the things you say and do that could promote a negative, rather than a positive, body image. TODDLERS It is essential to teach children at this age (2-5 years) that the body is about function and health, not beauty. Focus on the body’s need to be fed healthy foods and the brain to be fed a healthy diet of reading and playing, with minimal “screen time” (e.g., Play Station, Gameboy, TV, movies, computer, etc.). Children quickly learn what is “cool” and are more likely to choose a thinner peer to play with, despite how they behave. Take teaching moments to ask them how they feel when they spend time with certain kids. Teach them basic life skills, like how to ride a bike, throw or catch a ball, and how to swim. Praise their ATTEMPTS at trying, not their skill or ability to do things perfectly. Kids who feel they’ve mastered a skill tend to feel more competent and experience higher self-esteem. ELEMENTARY SCHOOL First grade is when teasing can become problematic and persistent. Instead of rescuing or ignoring the problem, focus on how they feel about the teasing. Remind them again how healthy and strong their bodies are and the importance of taking care of their bodies in positive ways. This is also an excellent time to teach them about the reality of genetics regarding how their body is shaped and what that realistically means for them. Have a frank discussion about how the relatives in your family tend to look – are they short, tall, thin, thick, curvy, etc. Again, YOU are the best role model, so eat a variety of foods, provide healthy foods so they don’t fill up on junk, and get some daily exercise, even if that is a walk with the dog. ADOLESCENCE It is not unusual for girls to wonder why they are suddenly unable to fit onto their old clothes, as their hips and breasts develop. This body type isn’t often promoted in the media, with the preference being the thin, small hip, flat-chested model look. This can be quite distressing to a young girl dealing with hormones, body image, boys and teasing all at once. Expect a tearful, sometimes moody child, but provide her with essential information about what is happening to her body. Boys tend to feel overly concerned about being “fit” or “cut” and need reassurance and understanding from you about their feelings of inadequacy. It is NORMAL for kids to gain weight at puberty, as they are about to undergo a major change in growth and development. In my practice with eating disordered clients, I often hear parents worried about weight gain near age 10 or 11. Girls typically gain 40 pounds and boys 50 pounds throughout puberty. Try not to overreact about this weight gain or their body discomfort and allow them to grow into their bodies (both boys and girls). If your children are inactive, this is a good time to promote healthy exercise, again using yourself as a role model. 10 WAYS TO REINFORCE A HEALTHY BODY IMAGE IN KIDS 1. Eat meals together. This is a great opportunity to role model healthy eating, yet allow some “junk,” i.e., dessert. Kids who are forbidden from eating certain foods often end up sneaking them at another time or place (school, friends’ homes, etc.). 2. Don’t talk negatively about your own body. Keep these thoughts to yourself or call a friend. Many of my adolescent clients have parents with poor body image and this affects them greatly. 3. Focus on positive inner qualities instead of appearance or accomplishments. Point out when they treat someone with respect or kindness. 4. Don’t make negative comments about other people’s bodies. It is an accepted practice in our culture to comment on other’s bodies; we often forget our children are soaking this information in and often internalizing it. 5. Make exercise a part of family life, much like brushing teeth and showering. Kids who engage in regular sports tend to have higher self esteem and healthier body image. 6. Teach your children to listen to their body’s feeling of hunger and fullness. Learning to eat when hungry and stop when full is a skill many kids (and adults) lack. Given the super-sized menus and food advertising, it can be difficult not to give into the impulse to overeat. 7. When watching TV or looking at magazines, ask your kids “What do you think they’re trying to sell/teach you?” Often kids are unaware of the marketing messages, i.e., ‘If you buy these jeans, boys will like you.’ Point out how ridiculous it is to believe a product can drastically change someone’s life. 8. Allow your children to eat junk food and incorporate it so it is part of healthy eating. Let them determine when to stop and what it feels like to eat too much sugar, salt, etc. Lecturing them generally backfires and they will need to figure out how to eat healthfully at some point. 9. Don’t overvalue your child’s appearance. Our culture tends to promote this excessively as it is. Help them identify the qualities they possess that have value and are respected and admired regardless of weight. 10. Share your own experiences as an adolescent (ask first if they want to know). Remind them that you felt insecure about your body, had teasing experiences, etc. Tell them how you got through it so they realize you had your own struggles at that time and that they can get past this, too.
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