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Clergy abuse still remains an unfolding, terribly shocking realization in our society. The general public would like to just turn away from the idea that some of the most trusted individuals in our lives -- priests, pastors and other religious leaders -- are capable of sexually abusing our children. Clergy abuse not only steals the trust of a child, it also damages the child and, later, the adult in almost every aspect of his or her life. Learning to trust again is the beginning of the journey to healing for victims of sexual abuse inflicted by members of the clergy. Worldwide, victims that have long suffered in silence are beginning the painful road to recovery from the emotional pain of clergy abuse; a road that holds the key to becoming whole again. This is a new phenomenon, only in the last ten years have victims knowingly come forward to reveal and voice the secrets that they have long carried in their hearts and souls, seared there from clergy abuse. One of the most terrible parts of clergy abuse is that the long kept secret becomes an integral part of the abuse itself. Not only does one suffer this abuse to the spirit, victims have been conditioned by the abuser to suffer in silence and secrecy. The first time a victim of clergy abuse chooses to let this painful secret out, the healing can begin. Learning to trust one person to travel with and guide you on this road is initially the most important part of the healing process. Many verbal messages received by an abuse victim stay hidden in the back of the psyche. Messages, like the following, manipulate the victim into believing somehow they are the cause of the abuse: · No one will ever believe you · This is God’s will · This is because you are special in the eyes of God · You are making me do this to you · I will hurt you and your family if you tell · This is what you do when someone is special to you · Others will blame you if you tell · This has to be our little secret, it would hurt your parents to know These are only a few of the messages that are given to a child who is being groomed to be sexually abused by a clergy perpetrator. As a child, the natural response to an adult is to not question authority. Children have instinctual faith in adults and they do not have the mature thought processes to wonder why this man or woman is doing something that is wrong or sick. They instead wonder what they themselves did to cause it to happen. Over time, the combination of fear, humiliation and confusion becomes a dark, locked place in which the self is devalued and personal power is eradicated. Even into adulthood the logical mind will know that this seemingly respected member of the church was indeed sick and a pedophile. Despite the rational logic, the emotional part of the self will still carry the ingrained psychological wounds experienced by the child. Great feelings of shame and guilt occur when the secrets come forward and are released. The healing process is one of revisiting the memories through adult eyes to reclaim the child that was betrayed by a trusted and revered part of one’s faith, a figure of authority who was connected with the core spiritual life of an individual. It is important to find a therapeutic place in which to let these memories surface. I believe when the self is ready and feels safe the memories that have long been repressed, minimized, or denied will come forward. This is by no means an easy journey. It takes great courage to remember and speak the pain that a victim of sexual abuse has suffered by the hands of a priest, pastor, nun or clergy of any faith. It is only when voice is given to a victim’s inner anguish that the connection can be made to other issues that stem directly from the abuse suffered as a child. Issues of grief of a childhood lost or damaged, low self esteem, addictions and eating disorders that cover or mask the emotional pain, relationship problems, spiritual beliefs and the feeling that you are not like others in the world, that you are somehow different, flawed and unworthy, all can finally be expressed and addressed therapeutically. It is facing the truth that sets victims free. Speaking the unspeakable facts of sexual and emotional abuse suffered at the hands of the clergy will enable victims to become victors. The first step is finding an experienced therapist that you feel comfortable with, someone that has expertise dealing with the issues of sexual violence, someone that allows you the time needed to speak the truth and find the answers. It is then that the journey of healing can begin.
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