Helping Kids Master the Secret Language of Social Cues

Helping Kids Master the Secret Language of Social Cues

Teaching children about emotions is a wonderful first step, but helping them understand social cues is what really helps those lessons click into place. While emotions are what we feel on the inside, social cues are the outward signals that show the world what is happening in our hearts and minds.

Social cues are essential because they give us insight into what others are thinking and feeling, and they help others understand us in return. This week, we are exploring three different types of social cues we use every day to help your child become a master communicator.

1. Facial Expressions: The Communication Device

Facial expressions are one of the primary ways we send messages. We use our eyes, nose, and mouth to create a "dramatic toolkit" of signals—from eye-rolling and nose-scrounging to wide-eyed surprise.

While children have no trouble using dramatic expressions to send messages, they often don’t realize that everyone else’s face is a communication device, too. To help them connect the dots, try asking:

  • "What message are you sending when you roll your eyes at your sister?" (It usually means more than just being annoyed!)

  • "What message is your brother giving you when he sticks out his tongue?"

These questions help children realize that facial expressions aren’t random; they are meaningful cues that help us understand each other.

2. Body Language: Physical Notifications

Just like our faces, our bodies are busy sending "notifications" to everyone around us. When a child clenches their fists and stamps their feet, they are essentially announcing their anger to the world.

It is equally important for kids to notice the body language of others. For example, if a teacher turns her body toward a student and folds her arms tightly across her chest, she is sending a very clear message—even before she says a single word. Teaching kids to "read" these physical signals helps them navigate social situations with much more ease.

3. Tone of Voice: The Voice’s Secret Spice Cabinet

Tone of voice is often confused with volume, but they are very different. While volume is simply how loud or quiet we are, tone is the extra "flavor" or "spice" we add to our words. It’s the sass, the excitement, or the boredom that tells the listener what we really mean.

Think of it like a spice cabinet—we choose which spice to sprinkle in depending on the message we want to send. Here are three common tones kids use:

  • Excited tone: Upbeat, fast, and full of energy.

  • Bored tone: Flat and slow, like they’d rather be napping.

  • Sarcastic tone: Saying one thing while clearly meaning the opposite.

Using the same exact words with a different tone can change a message entirely, which is a vital lesson for children to learn.

Practicing Social Cues at Home

To help your child master these concepts, try these simple, hands-on activities:

  • Use Emotion Cards: Have your child practice making facial expressions that match different emotions. This connects the feeling to the visual signal.

  • Picture Book Exploration: Before reading the story, look at the illustrations together. Guess what the characters are thinking or feeling just by observing their faces and poses.

  • The Silent Game: Play a game where you aren't allowed to talk. Use only facial expressions and body language to communicate a specific message. Charades is also a fantastic way to practice this!

By paying attention to their own cues and learning to read the cues of others, children gain the tools they need for successful, healthy social interactions.

Check out our individual social cues skill, available for $30 HERE. This skill expounds on these concepts and provides further tools for regulation. Enjoy! 

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