Little Kids - Big Emotions
Share
We all know the importance of building an emotional connection with your children. If you would like to strengthen that connection, it may be helpful to first understand what an emotion actually is—and how to teach children about emotions, too. The truth is, understanding emotions isn’t just for kids; many adults could use a quick refresher as well.
When children begin to understand emotions, everything gets easier for them and for you. Once they know what they’re feeling, emotional regulation becomes more achievable. That means fewer meltdowns, more effective problem solving, and a calmer home.
So let’s take this big, abstract word “emotion” and break it down into three concrete, bite-sized practical pieces that kids can actually understand:
-
What is an emotion?
-
Why do we experience emotions?
-
What we can do when we experience them?
What is an Emotion?
An emotion is a signal. But what is a signal? A signal is a message—something that is trying to give us information. We are surrounded by signals every day:
-
A red light signals us to stop.
-
A doorbell signals that someone is outside.
-
A phone buzzing signals that someone wants our attention.
Emotions work the same way. They are our brain’s way of sending messages about what is going on inside us or around us. Signals happen all the time. They are not necessarily good or bad; they are just messages. When someone wants to give us a message, our job is to listen. When we feel an emotion, our job is to notice it, listen to it, and try to understand what it is telling us.
Three Steps to Understanding
Here are three steps to follow to help kids learn how to understand their emotions. I like to chant this with kids repeatedly, using hand motions to help them remember:
-
Listen to your body. What is the signal?
-
Say how you are feeling.
-
Think of a way to help yourself.
When we slow down and name the feeling, we make the emotion real and give our body permission to experience it. It is a form of self-validation—the reminder that yes, I am allowed to feel this way. Naming the feeling tells our heart, “I hear you. What I’m feeling makes sense.”
Helping Yourself Move Forward
It is always okay to feel your feelings. Your feelings are allowed to show up whenever they want, but we don't want them unpacking their suitcases and moving in forever. For example, if you are feeling sad, you don't want to stay so sad that you can't move forward.
When we don't think of a way to help ourselves out of an uncomfortable feeling, it becomes much harder to act in the expected way. We want to make good choices, do what is right, and not let our feelings be the boss of our behavior. If we don’t find a way to help ourselves, we may not be able to control what we do—and that is where emotional regulation starts to fall apart.
Recommended Reading
In My Heart by Jo Witek Happiness, sadness, bravery, anger, shyness... our hearts can feel so many feelings! Some make us feel as light as a balloon, others as heavy as an elephant. This book explores a full range of emotions, describing how they feel physically inside with language that is lyrical but direct to empower readers to identify their own emotions.
My Sometimes Feelings by Leah Rubabshi, MSW Use this Jewish-themed emotions book to help children expand their emotional vocabulary in a warm, relatable way. As you read through each feeling, invite your child to think of a real moment in their life when they experienced it—something from home, school, camp, shul, or family time.
Check out our individual emotions skill, available for $30 HERE. This skill expounds on these concepts and provides further tools for regulation. Enjoy!
